Restart, recharge.

I'm going to try to start up this blog again, mostly because I am feeling very frustrated with my life lately, and release is one of my new main goals. I keep trying to pick up sewing to do this instead of blogging, but there are obstacles involved in that. For example, Mom up and donated ALL of her used patterns to the church rummage sale, except for some very crazy pajamas. She insists I should start on those and work my way up, but I want to make things that I will ACTUALLY wear or use. I found some great Cynthia Rowley patterns and some simple skirts and t-shirt type things online, now it's just a matter of getting to JoAnn's and buying patterns and fabric and whatnot. And suddenly I am way off topic.

I'm suddenly in my third month of living at home, and I'm really beginning to get fidgety. I have applied for so many jobs, but I am beginning to feel like I'm not getting anywhere. It's like there is a secret code or something that you have to put in your resume before people will consider you. And that secret code is nepotism. Just kidding. Mostly. I've had a few people call me, but I didn't get the first one. And several others have been busts. Despite my love for the internet, I must say it is much harder to find the job you want than many people and monster.com commercials make it out to be. I have found out, however, that once my miracle happens and I do become gainfully employed, that just about everyone in Austin is looking for a roommate. I'm so desperate to be there. In the city, away from here, closer to Tom, independent, new friends, new experiences. I want all that and everything else I can't predict. I want to do things, not sit around and watch the entire Boy Meets World series. (The finale of which, by the way, is hilarious. Especially flashback to the 'undahpants' scene, below.)



I really can't wait around for much longer, and I'll have to take up my cousin Todd's idea and load up my car and just, go. Maybe I can get a job in retail, a shoe department with commission pay...or fast food; or not. Even all of the administrative assistant jobs available require 5+ years experience! Sheesh.

I want to do lab work. I want it to be important and interesting. I want to want to go to work, and after this time of unemployment, I'll want to go almost anywhere. I am a great learner; fast too. And I really like surprising people. All I need is one measly chance. One chance to get really going and work somewhere for more than a summer or a semester. Experience.

And I hate feeling jealous of my boyfriend. I'm jealous because he has great things to do all the time. Even if he doesn't think they're great, they are. And he has friends to hang out with and places to go and only sees his parents when he has laundry to do. I miss him so much. I want to experience his life and my life together. We've been apart for more than a year, seeing each other only a handful of times. It's really torturous, and I can see how people let their relationships go over distance. He was here at the end of May for the 500, but even then I felt like we almost had to get used to each other again before feeling the same. And by that time, there were only a few days left to enjoy. I don't have a doubt that we are the real thing, but I have doubts about the universe conspiring with us. I feel as though I am really pursuing everything in life that I should be, doesn't that constitute some sort of cosmic assistance?

I made a doctor appointment for August 4, and I'm going to make a hair appointment tomorrow. And after both of those are done, I'm setting myself a deadline. I'll just start packing a bunch of things. And make sure that God and the universe knows this is my decision. There will be no other way. I will not have it another way.